I have always been the guy that ladies vent their relationship problems too. I think the main reason for this is my relaxed and passive nature leads females to believe I have no alternative motive when I advise them.
Anyways, when most of my female friend decide to tell me about the new guy they are seeing or an upcoming first date they first start out with a list of negatives
Hes too short
He's too fat
He only has a job he doesn't have a career
He's not a good dresser
He's not a good speaker
He's too fat
He only has a job he doesn't have a career
He's not a good dresser
He's not a good speaker
Now I am not fan of a person settling for less than they deserve but the list of attributes and qualities of an ideal mate can be ridiculous.
A true list for finding a mate should be a two sides list have 1. negotiables and 2. non negotiables.
1.The non negotiable should be a short of the list and it should only list things you can't live with out ie religion, family values, etc. Even though you would love your dream man to be like Denzel Washington you must realize that he is already taken and if you were to spend a week with him you see his flaws and your perception of him would change.
1.The non negotiable should be a short of the list and it should only list things you can't live with out ie religion, family values, etc. Even though you would love your dream man to be like Denzel Washington you must realize that he is already taken and if you were to spend a week with him you see his flaws and your perception of him would change.
2. The negotiables list shouldn't have request that the person can't physically change such as height, completion or family members (well you can always kill a family member but its shouldnt get that far). A negotiable can be a request such as I want my partner to be in better shape or I want my partner to have a better job but as my father always told me "you can lead a camel to water but you can't force it to drink". A person will not change their situation until they want to change it, we merely can hope that we motivate them into action.
In dating and in relationships we must always remember that the person we are dating may have physically stop growing but is still growing mentally and spiritually. The men and woman we idolize as perfect mates in entertainment are often in there late 40s and have gone through life altering experiences to shape them to be the men and women they are today. You can't expect a 26 year old man to be as eloquent as Barack Obama and you can't expect a 23 year old girl to be as classy as Michele. You are dating a person for what they will become and not what they are. Your non negotiables should reflect the seeds of those core qualities that you need to see blossom as your relationship grows deeper.
And always remember you're not perfect either!
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